Is the Spark Alive and Well in your Relationship?

When you first start a relationship, it is all exciting and the getting to know you phase is full of nerves and feelings of butterflies. But over time as the relationship deepens, you can lose some of the heady feelings of the early days. Hopefully as the flush of romance fades, you are left with a more meaningful partnership based on honesty, trust and mutual interests and life goals. But at the same time the humdrum of real life, can easily dampen the union and so it is good to check in every once and while, to ensure you are not taking things for granted and that you are making an effort to maintain a spark in your relationship.

Rekindle your romance

Routines, and the practicality of daily life can soon take the romance out of a relationship, if things have become all about TV dinners, and discussions over the next load of washing and whose turn it is to do the recycling – then it is time to take stock.

It is important to set aside time to be a couple again, you need to remember why you fell for each other in the first place. Think of an activity that will bring you closer, this could be as simple as going out on a date night for a nice meal, but may involve an activity like rock climbing if that is how you met.


You might start groaning when you hear the word ‘compromise’, as we get older and set in our ways, it can be the last thing we want to do. But at the heart of a relationship that is working, is a partner who is listening and values the others opinion and point of view.

This may not always gel with what you want, but sometimes it is better to compromise and find a middle ground, so that problems do not fester and become much bigger than necessary.

One of you may like the house tidy with everything in its place, where your partner feels that a home should be a home and little bit of clutter and mess is just fine. Or perhaps one of you is all about saving money, and the other thinks life is for living!

Talking through these problems and finding solutions early on that both parties can live with is the secret to maintaining passion, and not killing it slowly.


Compromise doesn’t really come about with out communication. If you cannot share your inner-most feelings with your partner, then trouble will lie ahead.

Good communication fosters an environment where you tackle problems head on and together as a partnership, rather than one person carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders feeling isolated despite being part of a couple.

Some people pick up on cues more easily than others, from the things you don’t say, to body language, to actions. Don’t play games and expect your partner to get it – they don’t always. Spell it out and everybody wins.

Think – Then React

If you feel like the spark has gone out of your relationship, and you spend more time bickering than you do being nice to each other – then now is the time to act.

Try to approach situations that provide conflict differently next time – break any patterns of arguing that you normally fall into. Easier said than done at the beginning, but well worth the effort.

The moment you feel tempers are fraying – both walk away. Take the time to reflect on what has raised the feelings of anger. Try to see things from the others point of view. Is there a compromise to be made – that you can both live with. Return to each other and talk things through, giving each party an opportunity to express their side and with no shouting.

The thing that most people miss from the early days of a relationship is how hard their partner tries to show them that they care. Try keeping this in mind, and to show this sentiment throughout your relationship; it can do wonders for how you both feel. In day-to-day life it is not the grand gestures that make the difference, but an accumulation of all the little things that a person does to show their love that counts the most.